STILL HERE THINKING OF YOU A Second Chance With Our Mothers
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My Guys

8/31/2014

3 Comments

 
When our book was published I gave a copy to my husband, even though I have rarely seen him read anything other than the sports section of the newspaper. I also gave a copy to each of my sons, despite some hesitation on my part.

In our book I reveal things about myself that may seem shocking. Being molested by an uncle as a child. Drug use in my teens and early twenties. Depression. Anxiety. I had wondered if it was a good idea to open myself up like that, knowing family and friends, and yes, my children, would be able to read it. But I knew I had to write my story.

At the time, a little over a year ago, Billy was about to turn twenty-two and Steven was nineteen. All three of my guys were happy for me, and I think proud.  Did I expect any of them to actually read it? I hoped they would. But, it is a book about mothers and daughters, written by four women. For a moment I regretted not having a daughter to read my story. Would a man, especially a young man, be interested?

My husband read my section of the book. He said he cried while reading about my struggle with postpartum depression and the chapter about my mother’s death. He told me he thought I was brave to write some of the things I did. I said he should read the other three sections, and he said he would, but he hasn’t so far.

Billy claimed to have too much to do, and yes, he is very busy, with school and work and friends. Though I do notice he has plenty of time to read the Game of Thrones books.

Steven started with my section and then read the whole book. This was not unexpected; Steven is a sensitive and generous person. I knew he wanted to read it for me. Yet I was surprised at how interested he was in the stories. He would knock on my door, book in hand, and ask if I had time to talk. Of course, I’d say. We had many discussions that grew out of his reading. He was seeing me not just as his mother, but as someone’s child, as a teenager, as a young adult unsure of what she wanted from her life, or how to proceed once she found out.

As we talked I realized how much my son needed me to write this book. That revelation was bittersweet.

                                                   ~Vicki Addesso

                         
3 Comments
Paula link
9/3/2014 11:41:59 am

Interesting, Vicki. I have a boy and a girl, and have had to think about their reactions to personal revelations in my performance memoir. Not times when I was victimized, but times when I made bad choices. In some ways this has broken itself down in ways I would expect, with my daughter identifying more with me than my son, but in other ways it has not. They are such individuals. That Game of Thrones reader will get to your own story in his own time, when he's ready for it. Which I expect you already know.

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Sylvia Valevicius link
12/11/2017 06:25:57 pm

Loved hearing how your Steven wanted to talk & could see you in your different stages of life. That is wonderful! My memoir has been out for 15 months; there was a grand silence from the family. Finally, last week my eldest son, Joe, was in Mexico for a yoga retreat & texted me to say he had just finished my book! He said he was proud of me. I was thrilled. I hope one day somebody in my family will want to discuss it too. Happy for you, Vicki, that you are are being ‘heard’. Sylvia xx

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Lydia link
5/16/2022 09:05:18 am

I’m glad your memoir had that effect on your family! How lovely.

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    Susan Hodara
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