STILL HERE THINKING OF YOU A Second Chance With Our Mothers
Follow the Writers
  • HOME
  • Book
  • Authors
  • Excerpts
  • "Moments of Being"
  • Reviews & Press
  • Readings & Events
  • Workshops
  • Purchase
  • Contact
  • Blog

In the Eye of the Beholder

10/8/2013

4 Comments

 
“I have a problem with any memoir about a person who is no longer alive to defend themselves or tell their side of the story,” wrote a family member who was displeased with my section of our book.

“First of all,” I wrote in a reply to the e-mail, “if people could only write memoirs about those who are still alive, there wouldn’t be many memoirs.”

But the comment led me to review each of my stories to assure myself that they were fair. I had written about my impressions of my mother when I was a child, my memories of times she had supported and helped me, her independent spirit, and events of her life as she had related them.  In only one story was I critical of her actions.

Knowing my mother – who was proud of my writing career – I think she would pretty much agree with what I wrote about her. Perhaps her memories would be a little different, but not so much that she would need to defend herself.  Even in the story that criticized her, I believe she might say, “Maybe you’re right, Joan. Maybe I should have acted differently.”

In my e-mail to the family member, I pointed out that all but one of my stories were positive, thus implying that they did not require a defense. The family member has not yet responded.


                                                         ~Joan Potter
4 Comments
Leigh Ryan
10/8/2013 06:39:57 am

Joan, please don't be bothered by what others think, it is your memory and filtered through your experiences. Your book helped me so much to affirm my belief that your memories and experiences are yours alone and though their validity was denied to me by my parents, I made sure that my son knew that, even if I didn't remember then the same way, his experiences and memories were valid because they were his and his alone.

Reply
Joan Potter
10/10/2013 05:08:49 am

I certainly agree that our memories and experiences are ours alone, but I think what this person felt was that some experiences involving other people should remain private. Writers must decide how much to reveal, but they shouldn't have to make those decisions based on what other people might object to.

Reply
Grace Peterson link
10/15/2013 03:23:13 am

The antagonist of my memoir is, to my knowledge, very much alive. I didn't write my book to bash him but to recount my own experiences and reactions to his actions. I changed his name and tried really hard to be fair. Regardless, he may be offended, if he read the book or even knows it exists. I couldn't allow all those "what if's" to dictate my behavior any longer.

I had a non-relationship with my mother. I'm intrigued by your anthology and plan to read it.

Reply
Joan Potter
10/15/2013 06:24:47 am

I'll be interested to know what you think of the book. Even though you say you had a non-relationship with your mother, there must have been something going on between the two of you. Maybe our book will inspire you to delve into your early relationship with her. If you want to, that is.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Authors:

    Vicki Addesso
    Susan Hodara
    Joan Potter 
    Lori Toppel

    Archives

    February 2021
    May 2020
    July 2019
    May 2018
    December 2016
    September 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013

    Categories:

    All
    Daughters
    Family
    Food
    Friends
    Joan Potter
    Lori Toppel
    Memory
    Mothers
    Self-isolation
    Susan Hodara
    Vicki Addesso
    Writing

    RSS Feed

    Picture
Copyright @ 2013 Still Here Thinking of You by Vicki Addesso, Susan Hodara, Joan Potter, and Lori Toppel